takineko:

one-time-i-dreamt:

I was in a room and I told a joke to some people and got a few chuckles. I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned around to reveal it was Amy Poehler. She told me in a uncomfortably calm voice that my joke was so funny that she had to kill and eat me. I spent the next forty minutes running and hiding from her in the Alps.

Actual cannibal Amy Poehler.

thymelord:

me: immune system why do i have a fever

immune system: well the bacteria can’t survive outside 37 degrees for long so i thought i’d raise the temperature to kill them off!

me: 

immune system:

me: 

immune system:

me: we also can’t survive outside 37 degrees for long

immune system: